Day 477 Shadows

Today is Thursday.  Today, I think I lost a very special friend.  My friend is brilliant, kind hearted, sweet and very caring.  My friend lives between the shadows of mental illness.  Her love for me turned to disgust and I didn’t brace myself very well when a shadow passed releasing the onslaught of anger, insults and cold callousness.

This is not my friend.  This is not the woman I can sit and giggle with.  This is not the woman who is moved to tears by my own agony for my son.  This is a shadowy stranger who has stolen my friend.

I wept most of the day today because it is like she died.  I want her back.  I want her to recognize that she is indeed ill and she needs help.  I want that part deep down inside her to fight for the real her.

I don’t think I handled the situation well at all.  I shouldn’t have been sucked into the shadows.  I should have kept my mouth shut and recognized it for what it was: a manifestation of mental illness.

To my very dear friend: you made me smile wide everytime the special ringtone for your number sounded.  You have an incredibly special place in my heart.  I pray the sunshine of the real you will emerge again and drive those dark shadows away or at least far back beyond the edges of your reality.

Be at peace and know that I will never stop praying for your well-being.

To all of you who struggle with mental illness or love someone who does, much love and long warm hugs.

Day 476 Details

Today is Wednesday. Today as I walked through the subway, I noticed the surveillance cameras all throughout. I was having a conversation with my very dear friend, Pamela Drew, about how face recognition software has become much more refined. It made me think about our asylum journey to Canada.  We decided to cross the border and turn ourselves in to CBSA because the DeHarts have always tried to do things legally even though my son sits in a prison for an extra 18 months for seeking asylum, a right afforded by international law.

My son understood about facial recognition software.  Before we crossed, we wore hats, put aluminum foil around our glasses and cover our mouths with scarves.  We made it past the cameras before we turned ourselves in to the Canadians.  I suspect that would not be so easy today.  And let me remind those reading my blog for the first time; we were not terrorists, we were US citizens who were fleeing a government that torures and persecutes truth tellers and whistleblowers.  Let me also remind you that truth telling and whistleblowing are the highest forms of patriotism.  These people don’t take money, don’t look for fame; they are simply risking their lives for the citizens of a country that they love.

Good night my dear friends..much much love..;)❤



Day 475 A slice of NY

Today is Tuesday.  Today, I met a lady who was born in Russia and she is Jewish.  She probably about 75 years old.  She talked about living in Italy for a time.

Her father died when she was in her early thirties.  He was buried in Italy and that was all she knew.  Her name is Lisa.  She shared how she flew from Moscow to Rome, a 13 hour flight.  Lisa wanted to find where her father was buried.  She told me how she had prayed long and hard to locate his grave.

Once she arrived in Rome, she was shuffled off to another town because those from Communist countries could not stay in Rome.  She met another Russian man in this little town and he showed her to the hotel.  Her room had a balcony that overlooked a beautiful cemetary.  In the course of their discussion, Lisa learned from her new friend that her father was most likely buried in that cemetary.

Sure enough, Lisa went through the headstones and found her father’s grave.  I was both enchanted and warmed by her simple trust in whatever good you did in this world it would be returned to you.

Then she walked away with her cart, but before doing so, she asked me how old I was.  When I told her, she called me a f–king liar and said if I was even 50 she’d be surprised.  I have to say that is probably the most unusual compliment I have ever received.  Ahh, NY..what a place.

Peace my dear friends..I ate a slice of the best pizza in the world tonight and I wish I could have shared with you..😉💕💕

Day 474 Truth is a risk

Today is Monday. Today, I listened to someone who I have come to admire. He is a cameraman who has seen the the brutality of war and filmed its survivors. He has also had a gun put to his head for filming what some do not want the world to see.
I asked him if he has nightmares and he told me he did frequently.
I have a deep respect for true and honest journalism. I have such admiration for those who put themselves at great risk to tell the world about events and many of those events are disturbing.
Today, I am really very blessed to meet people who have such courage, people who are impassioned to change the world for the better.  Telling the truth by word, by film, by art is a risky business.
Tonight, I spent time with people who are actively supporting those who want to expose the lies, share the truth and change the world.
Tonight, I rode the subway, had real pizza and glimpsed the lady with the torch.
I spoke with Matt and we smiled thinking about the times we did the City together.

My love to my friends, my prayers for those on the front lines..💕

Day 473 A change of venue

Today is Sunday. Today, I ended up in a place I have not been in such a very long time. There was a gay pride parade that seemed endless, lots of music, lots of people, lots of costumes.
I actually had some wonderful street food and an old city icon was displayed in coloured lights.
Today, I met some amazing friends and spent time walking around the city.
Sometimes you just have to get off the insanity wheel and do something outside the normal parameters.
Today, I am exhausted from dealing with incompetent airlines and rude customer service people. I’m glad I have a sense of humour..;)
My dear friends..please take care of yourself and spend some time with people you haven’t seen in awhile.


Day 472 No time to catch a breath

Today is Saturday. Today has been a continuation of a week where changes and issues came so fast not only did our heads spin, but we didn’t seem to have any time to catch a breath.

Today, Paul and I told the story again about Matt’s torture, our asylum, Matt’s imprisonment and the continuing persecution.

I want to stand on a mountain top and shout: Matt DeHart is still being persecuted! Torturers are still free and probably doing it to someone else.

It’s so hard. It’s been 7 years and some people are just now figuring out that bad things really do happen in this country.

Today, I got a letter from my son. He said the prison officials were listening in to his call with his lawyer. They told him, ” We know you’ve been talking to your people. You know this won’t go well for you.”

So, now its a crime to talk with your lawyer?

How does one fight these psychotic people?

I am going to bed before I write something that I will seriously regret.

Sleep well my friends..if you pray, please add my son to your list. Thank you..💖

Day 471 Angel

Today is Friday. Today, I am so grateful for extraordinary people who come into your life even for a season. These people make life sweeter even in difficult times.


His English ain’t great and he doesn’t have a college paper hanging on the wall
His degree is from the streets, his curriculum learned through suffering
The elites dismiss him, the wannabes disdain him, preferred vanilla he ain’t
I don’t get to see him; but, I see where he’s been and what he’s done
His heart is bigger than the sum of all his parts
Love is the footprint he leaves behind, the imprint on others’ lives
Some people see only halos, robes and wings
Reality shows it’s rough hands, worn shoes, empty pockets and words that heal
He’s content to live in the shadows outside of glory because it’s never about him
Yet the warmth of his humility, his purity outshines the sun
He’ll never be what others define as successful
Because in their arrogance and blindness they have missed the extraordinary
He’s not one the world esteems; but then a real angel doesn’t seek to be.

To one of my quiet young angels out there– I love you and I thank you for caring so.

Peace my dear friends..may an angel cross your path when you need one..:)❤